Nerves!

Nerves!

My life so far is changing. Everything around me seems to be changing. My body is changing, my mind is changing. I was a completely different person years ago. High school was a complicated time for me. I was still figuring myself out. I am still figuring myself out. Only this time, I feel more comfortable with whatever the outcome will be. In all honesty, I never thought I would get this far. College for me was always something that might not get finished, as my mental health kept me from staying positive. I was lost for a long time. At this point, with only weeks until graduation, I am finding myself. The nerves have begun to set in, and I am experiencing the last-time-ever jitters.

My plan, as I know it, is to finish this semester, pass school, and graduate May 11th. I will be a first generation graduate, as my parents have only received Associate’s Degrees. In fact, I am the second person in my immediate family to receive a Bachelor’s Degree. My Aunts and Uncles all have different degrees, stemming from cosmotology to associates. My mother’s brother is the only other person in my immediate family to receive a BS/BA. He and I spoke briefly on the subject, and he expressed his feelings about how proud he was. He found that taking the time out for school was crucial to his life right now, and that in order for me to get where I would like to be in life–working as an Art Therapist–I would need to finish a Bachelor’s and gain my Master’s. He said that it was extremely rewarding to get his degree, knowing he was doing what no one else in his family had. My grandparents don’t have degrees, and they are beyond proud of their children for taking the time out of their lives later on, after having children, to get the degree they believe would make them successful.

I am extremely nervous about graduating. To be completely transparent, my academic portion of college had been on the rocks for quite a few semesters now. I have managed to pull through, and apply myself enough to finish school and work toward my Master’s. I have accepted a position at the New England Center for Children in Southborough Mass. and have applied to Graduate school through their recommendation. I am fine with taking a gap year from school, however, so not being accepted for the fall would not be the worst thing in the world. My nerves will continue to get more intense as the end comes closer, I’m sure. Without the faculty at PSU, I don’t know if I would be making this post, wondering if graduation is even a possibility. This time four years ago, I was going to prom with my friends, not a care in the world. Now, the world has come to me, forcing me to prepare for it.

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